There is one friend of several years with whom I've developed a very honest friendship in that I have told her more about myself, over the years, than I've probably told anyone else and she has told me several things about myself because she is able to see through my chatter. I can always rely on her to give me an honest opinion. Sometimes, she questions what I say I want to do and points out the discrepancies between what I say and what I do. I find her comments to be thought provoking and helpful, as she is someone who does a lot of pondering and analyzing and I am not!
All this is by the way of background to what this post is about! Because, this particular friend read my blog post about my New Year's resolutions and January Balanced Life goals and she had some questions and expressed some opinions, which I very much appreciate. Sometimes, I don't necessarily post everything about my thought processes because I think that is too much detail. As a result, sometimes, my posts end up being more "shorthand" than anything else.
One of the observations my friend made to me, yesterday, was how vague some of my goals were. In particularly, the "Continue to focus on a healthier diet (more vegetables!), drinking enough water, exercising regularly, and getting sufficient sleep". It lacked specificity and I agree with her! As I explained to her, the format I follow for my goal making is something I had learned in goal making workshops at the office, which is:
Goals are overarching end states one hopes to achieve or "desired outcomes", with the objectives (the reasons for the goal or the "why") listed below each goal with their policies (the rules involved with achieving those goals and objectives) and the programs (the actual, measurable actions or the "how") below each objective and policy.
In my Monthly Balanced Life posts, I have stated my goal or desired outcome for each area and I've left out the objectives as they seem self-evident to me! Then, I've sort of lumped the policies and programs together, without going into details and listing the measurable criteria! So, currently, I have:
Health & Well Being: The goal is good health (the overarching, desired outcome/end state)
- Attend the appointments with my various medical doctors (policy)
- Continue to go for additional screening tests, as needed (policy)
- Continue to monitor blood pressure, sugar levels, and weight (policy)
-
Continue to focus on a healthier diet (more vegetables!), drinking
enough water, exercising regularly, and getting sufficient sleep (policy)
- Focus on accomplishments (policy)If I were to add my programs or the how-to's, then, the above would look like this:
Health & Well Being: The goal is good health.
- Attend the appointments with my various medical doctors:
- PA appointment on 1/16/18
- Call surgeon's office to follow-up on status of approved authorization for surgery and schedule
- Continue to go for additional screening tests, as needed:
- Check with PA for results of December screening tests
- Call Surgeon's office to check on pre-op tests that will be needed for surgery
- Call and schedule appointment with primary care physician to do the pre-ops
- Continue to monitor blood pressure, sugar levels, and weight
- Check blood pressure daily and keep log
- Check blood sugar daily and keep log
- Check weight weekly and keep log
-
Continue to focus on a healthier diet (more vegetables!), drinking
enough water, exercising regularly, and getting sufficient sleep
- 5-7 servings of fruits and vegetables per day (keep dietary log)
- 8 8-fl. oz. glasses (or 64 fl.oz.) of water per day (keep log)
- 30 mins. of walking, 5 days a week (keep log)
- 6 hrs. of sleep per night, increase to 8
- Be in bed by midnight on week days, with intention of moving bedtime forwards to 11:00 p.m., in increments by the end of the month
- Do what needs to be done to be ready to get in bed by midnight - blog posts and comments, replying to emails, chatting with daughter, evening routines, etc.
- Keep daily lists of accomplishments
Another observation my friend made was how I list my Balanced Life Goals. She stated that she knows they are not in any order of priority, but she has seen that I tend to focus more on the ones listed on top and less on the ones listed below. Originally, I had my areas written out in a circle, grouped more or less by Self (spirituality, health, self care, me time, leisure, hobbies, crafts, career, finances, etc.), Family (mother, daughter, extended family), Others (friends, neighbors, community), Environment (house, garden), etc. Over time, some areas merged, others were eliminated, new ones were added, etc. But the list was formed by straightening out of the circle and I just kept it that way.
Actually, when I think about it, the original circle followed the Buddhist meditation practices! We always start with the Self, because we have to be at peace with ourselves first, before we can be at peace with others. Then, comes the immediate family and loved one, then the extended family and community, then the other things that are important to our well being - the environment in which we live, our livelihood/careers, causes that are important to us, etc.
If I were to prioritize my goals, then, there might be a shift in how the goals are listed. I don't think I want to list them in priority order, but I wonder if things will get more attention or less if I do switch things around? Maybe, in February, I will list the goals in reverse order and see if there is a change!
I am also planning to do more detailed posts about the various goals and my implementation of them. In fact, I had already started on one (about Environment and decluttering) when my friend commented on the goals and I thought it made more sense to do a post about the making of the goals before I did a post about the implementing of the goals.
What are your definition of goals? Do you see goals as being overarching desired end states and outcomes or do you see goals more as being more detailed and specific?
A boldly honest friendship is nice with parameters. I have had friends who are so honest you have to look hard and see if their motives are actually constructive or if they use their honesty in a passive aggressive manner.
ReplyDeleteI suppose we all look at another person's actions or proposed actions through our own eyes and outlook on life, which are conditioned by our own cultural norms, our own experiences, what seems to work for us, etc. Sometimes, if you do things differently than I, then, I might express doubts about it, because it is not what works for me. They are all things to keep in mind!
DeleteI was honestly thinking of one of my friends who uses her obsession with "honesty" to be hurtful. I have seen her do it to numerous people (me included) since we were teenagers. Unless someone asks me directly if a skirt make their butt look big, I might honestly think it is not the most attractive look but no purpose is accomplished by unsolicited advice, so I tend to be a "that is a great color on you" type of gal.
DeleteI do understand what you are saying, Anne, and I appreciate it. I get a LOT of unsolicited advice from various people in my life. Lots of family members and friends who tell me how I should wear my hair (short, dyed to cover the grey), the type of clothes I should wear, what I should eat, etc. I generally deal with it with a smile and a nod and then, carry on as usual. I suppose they are trying to be helpful, but, sometimes, I do wonder. I think I am more like you in that, if I do say something, I try to make it of the "I like that color" type of comment.
DeleteWell the Bible says something like "a faithful friend is a sturdy shelter. He who finds one finds a treasure!" It seems that you have treasures not only with your friend but your daughter! Andrea
ReplyDeleteThat I do, Andrea! Not to mention aunts and other family members who are always ready to give me their opinion about how I should do things and live my life. I am very blessed, that way. :)
DeleteThere are different kinds of goals. There are general ones that state more or less a philosophy or concept of what you want. Those are the ones you shared. However, if they are not followed up with specifics, it is very hard to implement them. I think that was what your friend was saying.
ReplyDeleteI used to have this conversation with my kids all of the time. They would need to change something--maybe something they did wrong. I would ask them how they were going to solve the problem. They would give me a general answer like, Do better. Then I would ask them to give me specifics about what that meant and how they would go about achieving it. I hope I was teaching them to think through a problem or process.
That's just have you are doing your goals. General ideas and now you are sharing details about what you are going to do. And I agree, you can't post everything on your blog, so you can share as much or as little about it as you want. However, as a general rule, I think people like to read about how others accomplish things. It is usually inspiring and some tips may be picked up that can be applied to their own life. Anyway, I know that's how I feel.
Yes, the "how are you going to achieve those goals?" is a very important part of goal setting, along with the "what are you trying to achieve?", isn't it? Simply stating "a cleaner environment", for example, without providing how I intend to achieve it (daily maintenance, weekly cleaning routines, etc.) can be meaningless.
DeleteI think, in my blog posts, I focus more on the latter - the what I am trying to achieve - and less on the how I intend to do it. But, maybe I'll share more details in future posts.
I have also been told that the way I go about things is designed to fail. Maybe. For the longest time, I was not a very goal-oriented person! I had some long-range goals (get a good education, find a good job, get married, have a child/children, live a happy life, etc.), but I never really planned the details! Things just happened as I drifted along! For the most part, the currents took me where I wanted to go, but occasionally, I got caught in rip currents!
I haven't always succeeded with my goals and I know that I put off doing certain things more often than others. It may be that I am trying to do too much in too many areas and might have to cut back. It's an on-going learning process (although, sometimes, those lessons have to be repeated several times, before I actually learn!) :)
Interesting post. Good to have a friend like that. I don't make too focused goals otherwise they seem unobtainable and then I give up. If I make a goal something quite broad I find it easier to take the little steps.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sharon. Good friends are those who make one think! I think it is good to start out with broader goals and then, take those smaller, more manageable steps to reach them. Each one's goals are different and perhaps there are as many ways to reach them as there are individuals. :)
DeleteI think you should only post the details if it's going to help you achieve your objectives. For instance, you might be keeping a written list somewhere that does the same thing, or you might be keeping the list in your head. It's not necessarily anyone else's business what your precise steps are. I post details on my blog because I mean for it to be a diary for myself first and foremost and I do use my posts to remind myself of what I said I would be doing. But if your purpose for blogging isn't the same, perhaps you can save yourself the time and effort and not post those details. I'm not sure if I'm making sense. In the end, you're not at work and you get to do what you want. You're the boss of you :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Nathalie. Yes, I understand what you are saying - it's my blog, I may do as I please when it comes to what I choose to post and not post. I do have the details somewhere else. I generally don't post them because I didn't know if it would be helpful to do so or not. But, if readers are wondering how am I going to achieve these wonderful goals, then, I suppose I should share a little bit of how I intend to do so. :)
DeleteI think your goals guide your day to day behaviours, which are generally laid out in your daily accounts or to-do lists on the blog posts. At the end of every month you summarize your successes and short comings and make the changes you want by posting goals for the next month. I have always admired how accountable you are where your goals are concerned.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Susan. That is, indeed, what I try to do. :) Sometimes, of course, things happen to knock the goals completely off, but that is life, isn't it?
DeleteI tend to agree with your assessment of goals - The "end" or "outcome" that is desired. I teach individuals with a variety of strengths and weaknesses (which is what I call it), and the state calls it a Special Education Teacher. I am also a case manager for about 30 students in the school which means I am responsible for the legal paperwork and making their teachers aware of their various needs. Each year, we are required to form a team (regular education teacher, parent, student, special education teacher and a school administrator or one who is appointed as such) create an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) for each of these students. I create a draft of annual goals and benchmarks based on their needs and receive input from all team members. An example of an annual "goal": Joy will write answer questions about a given reading selection, providing evidence to back up her claims, with at least 85% accuracy. After that annual goal, it is broken down into "benchmarks" which are the baby steps required to get there. A benchmark for the goal I wrote above would be: While reading a given passage, Joy will highlight the relevant information needed, 5 out of 5 times. The next benchmark might be: Joy will respond to a question about a text by restating the question, at least 5 out of 5 times. Another: Joy will provide textual evidence from a given reading passage in order to support her claim, with at least 85% accuracy. Those are very rough samples of the thought process behind writing goals in the public education sector in rural NC.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing that, Joy, and, also, for what you do for the students under your care. One of my cousins is a Special Education Teacher, who works with autistic children. My mother was a regular teacher, but she had specialized in speech therapy, as well.
DeleteYou are too kind, Bless. They give me as much, if not more, than I give to them. Thank you for your kindness though!
DeleteI think almost all teachers say that, Joy. My mother loved teaching and did so for 40 years. So did her older sister. :)
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