Sunday, July 29, 2018

Wedding on Saturday

Saturday morning, we decided not to run any of the errands we had planned (go to the auto club and DMV) and just relax.  We didn't want a repeat of the previous Saturday and running late!  I will go to the auto club during the week and daughter will go to the DMV, on her own, next Saturday.

I also didn't cook the salmon steaks, either!  I will cook them later, and probably freeze them.

Instead, daughter and I relaxed and took it easy in the morning.  Cousin P called and came over with some tea bags she wanted me to try; a different brand of tea than what I have been buying, but Sri Lankan tea, nevertheless.  She said her daughter (who was driving us to the wedding and back) wanted to leave by 3:30 p.m. in the afternoon, to go to the wedding, and I said that was fine with us.  She called back, a little later, to give me some news about a family friend's health (his wife and his mother-in-law had both informed me about it, a couple of weeks ago, so I had known about it) and I confirmed that we were leaving at 3:30 p.m. 

After lunch, I ironed the sari blouses and daughter and I started to get dressed.  This time, I dressed in my sari, first, and then, dressed daughter in hers.  We chose to wear the same saris we wore to last week's wedding.  They are our newest saris and both daughter and I agreed that we hadn't paid $150 per sari to wear them just once!  It couldn't be helped that the weddings were held, practically, back to back!  If any of the other wedding guests (there were family and friends who were at both weddings) recognized the fact that we wore the same saris to both events, they didn't say anything about it to our faces, other than comment on the fact that we wore saris, again (the majority of them had worn dresses to this wedding). 

I was also complimented on my hair being worn in a bun.  I used to often wear my hair in a bun when I had long hair.  It's still not quite long enough for anything other than a tiny little knob on top, but I had bought a doughnut shaped sponge form to help with putting my hair up in a bun (from the dollar store).   You put your hair in a pony tail, then, pull the pony tail through the middle of the doughnut shaped sponge, and roll it down while distributing the hair around it and pin it in place.  I am not able to do it, myself, but my daughter was able to make the bun for me.  As I told me daughter, I felt more like my usual self, on Saturday, with my hair up in a bun, for the first time since my treatments started and I lost my hair.

Then, I did daughter's hair for her, with half of her hair in a bun, with the rest of her hair cascading down in ringlet curls.  Well, at least, that was the idea - in reality, her hair is very thick and unruly, with waves and curls of its own, and my curling iron is old and not powerful enough, so the ringlet curls didn't come out as intended!   It didn't help that we were just a bit rushed at that point.  It was 3 o'clock, by then, and cousin had called to say they were leaving their house!  When my cousin said her daughter wanted to leave by 3:30 p.m., I had understood it to mean that we were leaving at 3:30 p.m.  So, in my mind, I still had 30 minutes more to do daughter's hair, etc.  But, when cousin called at 3:00 p.m. to say they were leaving the house, I realized I had misunderstood her!  I was still curling daughter's hair when cousin and her daughter pulled up in front of my house!  But, we didn't keep them waiting, this time!  I unplugged the curling iron and we were out of the house in less than two minutes!  Daughter was pleased with what I had been able to achieve with her hair, so all was good. 

We arrived at the wedding venue in good time, just as the cocktail hour started.  Unfortunately, what this meant was one hour of standing, as there were only a couple of chairs in the whole room and they were occupied!  I had worn flats since I can't wear any high heels, but, even so, standing for one hour is a bit much for me!  My daughter had worn high heels, but she claimed she was OK in them.  At 5:00 p.m., the room where the ceremony was being held opened and we were able to sit down.  My cousin's daughter said we should have left at 3:30 p.m. and got there at 4:30 p.m., instead, so we didn't have to stand for so long; I didn't say anything, but thought to myself that, yes, that would have been better as that was when I thought we were going to leave!  LOL.

They had what amounted to two wedding ceremonies as they tried to incorporate both Sri Lankan (bride) and Jewish (groom) customs.  At one end of the room, there was a dais known as a "poruwa" in Sri Lanka, where traditional Sri Lankan marriage ceremonies take place.  In Sri Lanka, the poruwa ceremony is traditionally performed at Buddhist weddings, with Christians/Catholics preferring to have a traditional Church wedding.  However, over here, more and more ex-pats are considering the poruwa ceremony to be more of a cultural thing, with adaptations being made, as necessary.  In a Sri Lankan Buddhist wedding, for example, part of the poruwa ceremony would include the singing of what are known as "jaya mangala gatha" which invoke the special qualities of the Buddha to bring blessings on the newly married couple.  But, since the bride is Catholic, they omitted that step of the poruwa ceremony.  However, the music they played when the bride was led to the poruwa, preceded by dancers, was a Buddhist hymn, known as "Dhanno Budunge", which I found to be amusing.  Daughter and I looked at each other, as it was a song she learned at Sunday school at the temple and used to sing at various temple celebrations! 

My daughter took videos of the traditional drummers and dancers that led the bride and groom to the poruwa; she will upload them to the blog for me, she said, when she has a chance to do so. 

The poruwa ceremony was conducted by the bride's maternal uncle.  The groom's parents stood by his side of the structure and her bride's parents stood by her side of the structure.  As part of the ceremony, the groom was handed seven betel leaves, one by one, and he handed them to the bride, who then, placed  them on the ground - betel leaves represent blessings, and later, the bride and groom will offer more betel leaves to their parents and bow low to them to be blessed by their parents.  The groom was also  handed a gold necklace to be placed around the bride's neck (a symbolic gesture of providing for her; in a traditional marriage, the bride's family would have provided the bride with a dowry).   Then, the bride's maternal uncle, who was officiating this part of the ceremony, tied the fingers of the bride and groom with a gold thread to symbolize unity and poured water over the tied hands, using a brass water pot known as a "kendiya". 

These two brass kendi are what I have at home and, as my daughter was quick to point out, are similar to the one that was used in the ceremony:

Kendi


Later, the groom handed a white cloth to the bride's mother in gratitude for raising her.  Traditionally, it is a bolt of white cloth (which, according to my mother, at least, was originally supposed to have been used on the marriage bed as proof of the bride's virginity, but I only have my mother's word for it!)  At this particular wedding, however, the white cloth the groom handed his new mother-in-law was the tallit, or Jewish prayer shawl, that had been given to him at his Bar Mitzvah.  I loved how they found ways to personalize the customs. 

A plate of milk rice (or "kiri bath") had been prepared, before hand, and this plate was offered to bride by her mother and the new couple fed each other a piece.  Then, the groom's brother broke a coconut, in front of the poruwa, as a symbol of prosperity and plenty.  At the conclusion of the poruwa ceremony, the couple lit the brass oil lamp.

Then, they walked down the length of the room to the other end, where a Chuppah had been set up.  Midway, between the two structures (poruwa and Chuppah), a unity candle had been set up.  The groom's mother and the bride's mother each lit a candle and the bridal couple took those candles to light their unity candle.  Then, they proceeded to the Chuppah, where a rabbi conducted the Jewish wedding ceremony, which, at Saturday's ceremony, consisted of the Ketubah, which is a marriage contract, written in Hebrew, the Kiddushin or blessings of the betrothal  where blessings were said over the cup of wine that was shared and a second blessing over the marriage.  This was followed by the Nisuin, which consisted of the Sheva Brachet or Seven Blessings.  The couple's friends wrote blessings centered around the theme of each traditional blessing and read them during this part of the ceremony.  A second glass of wine was shared at this time and the couple exchanged wedding rings.  At the conclusion of the Jewish wedding ceremony, the groom broke a glass by stepping on it and all present cheered, "Mazel Tov!"  After that, the couple withdrew to a private room for Yichud or seclusion, to spend their first moments together as a couple.

Obviously, I am not as familiar with Jewish wedding ceremonies as I am with Sri Lankan wedding ceremonies, but the guests were provided with programs that explained the steps of each ceremony, which was very helpful. 

The rest of us, walked downstairs to the lobby area of the hotel where the wedding took place, for refreshments, which consisted of Sri Lankan "short eats" such as vegetable sandwiches (fillings of carrots and beets between three slices of bread and cut into small triangles), fish "cutlets" (fish and mashed potatoes made into small balls, dipped in beaten egg, breaded, and deep fried); chicken patties (were made of pastry dough rounds, filled with a spicy mixture of ground chicken, folded over and baked), and "Chinese Rolls" (small pancakes, with a ground beef filling, breaded and deep fried).  The bar was also set up in this lobby area (daughter and I had sodas, since we don't drink alcohol).   The refreshments were very welcome (it was around 6:00 p.m., by then), but it meant standing, once more, for another hour before the banquet hall was opened! 

I love how these weddings are planned and organized, etc., but, I don't like all this standing around in between proceedings!  Yes, I know it is supposed to give us time to mingle and "meet and greet", etc., but, my goodness, our feet were hurting!  In fact, my cousin's daughter's heels were hurting her so much, that she left the reception to go home to change her shoes!  She was gone for a little over an hour and a half.  By the time she came back, we were already seated in the banquet room, but still waiting for our table number to be called to go up to the buffet.

There was a live band at the reception and dancing.  My favorite dance was when they danced the Horah.  It seemed like such a joyous dance, to me. 

We didn't stay too long at the reception.  Unlike at my cousin's son's wedding, when we waited until the end and helped to clean up!  We left shortly after dinner, just as they were serving the wedding cake (the one that was cut by the bride and groom, not the love cake that we helped to wrap and box!  Those boxes were placed at the tables, at each guest's place setting.  I brought my box home with me.  Stamped on one side of the box, is a posy of flowers, with the couple's names underneath, and a saying, "A sweet ending to a new beginning" in a circle around it. 

The boxed wedding cake
Inside the box, there was a piece of love cake and a bag of candy coated almonds.

We got home around 11:15 p.m.  I had worn comfortable shoes, but my feet were swollen, from all that standing around, I suppose.  I sat with them elevated on some cushions and daughter and I talked for a bit and then, she packed her suitcase.  She was sad about having to leave, again.  We stayed up till after 2:00 a.m., just talking and cuddling. 

Saturday's To Do List:
- Go to the auto club and DMV in the morning, to see about daughter's driver's license renewal, my car registration renewal, and to hand in the mileage verification prior to my auto insurance renewal - POSTPONED
- Cook the salmon steaks - POSTPONED
- Write out the wedding card - DONE
- Iron the sari blouses - DONE
- Do daughter's hair for her - DONE
- Get dressed and go to my friend's daughter's wedding (we will ride with cousin P and her daughter) - DONE

On Saturday, I was grateful for:
- Being able to attend my friend's older daughter's wedding (I was unable to attend her younger daughter's wedding as I was having my chemo treatments at the time and my doctors didn't want me to go to any large gathering, because of my compromised immune system).
- My cousin and her daughter giving my daughter and me a ride to the event and back, again.
- Cousin's daughter was able to go home and change her shoes for a more comfortable pair!
- My daughter isn't fussy and was pleased with what I was able to do with her hair, even if I wasn't quite satisfied with my efforts.
- Meeting some old friends I haven't seen in awhile at the wedding.

How was your Saturday?  Have you attended any weddings where cultures and religions are mixed and new traditions are created?

10 comments:

  1. Thank you for the detailed explanation . Wow that couple better take good care of their marriage, it will be a lot of unwinding to undo all of that!

    I'm seeing the devastation of the Redding fire on TV news. I'm sorry to seem alarmist but I would feel so much better if you'd reassure us all that you have an emergency kit in your car, Emergency cash in the house, lap top & cords set up to stuff in a case, should there be an evacuation called in your area. Decades ago we had an emergency evacuation and my unpreparedness could have been the author of family tragedy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are welcome, Hon. This was the first Jewish wedding ceremony I've attended, so it was all quite interesting, to me.

      Thank you for your concern, Hon. I'm afraid I don't have an emergency kit in my car. Fortunately, I am not in a hillside area with a lot of brush, so the risks for being caught in a wildfire is minimal. Trimming the eucalyptus tree in the front yard can be considered a fire risk minimization, too, because eucalyptus trees tend to catch fire quickly due to their oil content.

      Delete
  2. I loved this post. It was fascinating to read about the combined ceremony of two very different religions - interesting to read the symbolism of seven blessings was part of both.

    I'm not good with standing for a long time so I feel for you. At least you were wearing flats!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed reading this post, Eileen. I knew most of my readers would know what a church wedding entailed, but wouldn't necessarily know about Sri Lankan or Jewish wedding traditions.

      I am thinking I might need to invest in some compression stockings to wear when I next attend any of these functions where long periods of standing are involved!

      Delete
  3. That sounds like a very interesting wedding. I would have had to had explanations for all of it. It was nice that they provided a guide to it all. And my feet and back would have been hurting standing for that long. In case, your daughter doesn't elope if she gets married, you can remember that and make sure there are more chairs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL, Live and Learn, I shall certainly tell my daughter to make sure there is adequate seating at any wedding she might consider having!

      Delete
  4. How exciting that you were able to put your hair in a bun! A new milestone for you! And good on you for wearing the saris again. As you said, you spent $150 on each of them for the purpose of wearing them at the weddings. People probably didn't care if you wore them last week too. Did you pay attention to see if the other guests at both weddings were wearing the same outfits or not? Maybe it's just me, I never pay attention to what people wear (unless it's those guys who wear their pants below their bottoms or around their knees, I HATE those!). I always joke that if something were to happen to Greg or one of the kids, I wouldn't be able to put a flyer together detailing their height/weight/what they wore when last seen, because I truly have no idea.

    The wedding sounded like a very complex ceremony! I wonder how many rehearsals they had to do? Thanks for explaining everything, Bless, it was very interesting. I was confused, at first, between the Buddhist traditions, the Catholic bride and the Jewish groom, I have to say :) So I'm guessing that since the ceremonies were Sri Lanka cultural ceremony and the Jewish ceremony the bride converted to Judaism?

    I think what your mom explained about the white cloth makes sense. How odd that the organizer didn't think to have enough chairs for people? My legs, feet and back would have killed me too. If your cousin's daughter had worn a sari, perhaps she could have just slipped her shoes off instead of driving 90 minutes to get a new pair? The saris you wore were floor-length, weren't they? I don't think I'd have driven 90 minutes, to be honest.

    Sorry that your Daughter had to go back to Berkeley :( Mine had to go back to Gainesville. Enjoy the Love Cake!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Nathalie. :) There were only a handful of us who were at both weddings - some of my cousins and two of my aunts, and a few friends who participate in the monthly Rosary gatherings. Only 3 other people who were at both weddings wore saris to both; the rest wore dresses to the second wedding. My cousins might have noticed what I was wearing. But, it doesn't really matter, to me. I did offer daughter the option of wearing a different sari (from my collection of saris) or to buy a dress, but she is a very practical girl and was quite happy to wear her new sari.

      I, too, wondered if the girl converted or plans to convert.

      Delete
  5. What a fascinating wedding! I'm sure everyone found it so interesting especially with information about the various rituals. When DH and I got married in England in church, there was no lighting of a unity candle, but when DS got married there was, and I was able to light a candle on behalf of our side of the new family-to-be.
    It really is too bad that were was hardly anywhere to rest your feet during the "circulating" parts of the event. I'm sure the average wedding guest list includes a few elderly, a pregnant woman or two, someone recovering from whatever, one or two people with circulation problems who can't stand for long, and so on. Wedding venue providers need to think of this and plan more than just a couple of chairs! We are not all young and bushy-tailed! Even the young, like your daughter, need a break from standing in heels!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the idea of a unity candle. Yes, there were a couple of older aunties at the wedding, and I felt bad for them, having to stand around! I don't know if the daughters of these aunts requested chairs for them, but, as far as I could tell, none of the wait staff offered to bring them any chairs from inside the dining hall.

      Delete

Thank you for visiting my blog and commenting. Your comments are much appreciated. Please comment in English. Thank you.