Wedding on Saturday

Saturday morning, we decided not to run any of the errands we had planned (go to the auto club and DMV) and just relax.  We didn't want a repeat of the previous Saturday and running late!  I will go to the auto club during the week and daughter will go to the DMV, on her own, next Saturday.

I also didn't cook the salmon steaks, either!  I will cook them later, and probably freeze them.

Instead, daughter and I relaxed and took it easy in the morning.  Cousin P called and came over with some tea bags she wanted me to try; a different brand of tea than what I have been buying, but Sri Lankan tea, nevertheless.  She said her daughter (who was driving us to the wedding and back) wanted to leave by 3:30 p.m. in the afternoon, to go to the wedding, and I said that was fine with us.  She called back, a little later, to give me some news about a family friend's health (his wife and his mother-in-law had both informed me about it, a couple of weeks ago, so I had known about it) and I confirmed that we were leaving at 3:30 p.m. 

After lunch, I ironed the sari blouses and daughter and I started to get dressed.  This time, I dressed in my sari, first, and then, dressed daughter in hers.  We chose to wear the same saris we wore to last week's wedding.  They are our newest saris and both daughter and I agreed that we hadn't paid $150 per sari to wear them just once!  It couldn't be helped that the weddings were held, practically, back to back!  If any of the other wedding guests (there were family and friends who were at both weddings) recognized the fact that we wore the same saris to both events, they didn't say anything about it to our faces, other than comment on the fact that we wore saris, again (the majority of them had worn dresses to this wedding). 

I was also complimented on my hair being worn in a bun.  I used to often wear my hair in a bun when I had long hair.  It's still not quite long enough for anything other than a tiny little knob on top, but I had bought a doughnut shaped sponge form to help with putting my hair up in a bun (from the dollar store).   You put your hair in a pony tail, then, pull the pony tail through the middle of the doughnut shaped sponge, and roll it down while distributing the hair around it and pin it in place.  I am not able to do it, myself, but my daughter was able to make the bun for me.  As I told me daughter, I felt more like my usual self, on Saturday, with my hair up in a bun, for the first time since my treatments started and I lost my hair.

Then, I did daughter's hair for her, with half of her hair in a bun, with the rest of her hair cascading down in ringlet curls.  Well, at least, that was the idea - in reality, her hair is very thick and unruly, with waves and curls of its own, and my curling iron is old and not powerful enough, so the ringlet curls didn't come out as intended!   It didn't help that we were just a bit rushed at that point.  It was 3 o'clock, by then, and cousin had called to say they were leaving their house!  When my cousin said her daughter wanted to leave by 3:30 p.m., I had understood it to mean that we were leaving at 3:30 p.m.  So, in my mind, I still had 30 minutes more to do daughter's hair, etc.  But, when cousin called at 3:00 p.m. to say they were leaving the house, I realized I had misunderstood her!  I was still curling daughter's hair when cousin and her daughter pulled up in front of my house!  But, we didn't keep them waiting, this time!  I unplugged the curling iron and we were out of the house in less than two minutes!  Daughter was pleased with what I had been able to achieve with her hair, so all was good. 

We arrived at the wedding venue in good time, just as the cocktail hour started.  Unfortunately, what this meant was one hour of standing, as there were only a couple of chairs in the whole room and they were occupied!  I had worn flats since I can't wear any high heels, but, even so, standing for one hour is a bit much for me!  My daughter had worn high heels, but she claimed she was OK in them.  At 5:00 p.m., the room where the ceremony was being held opened and we were able to sit down.  My cousin's daughter said we should have left at 3:30 p.m. and got there at 4:30 p.m., instead, so we didn't have to stand for so long; I didn't say anything, but thought to myself that, yes, that would have been better as that was when I thought we were going to leave!  LOL.

They had what amounted to two wedding ceremonies as they tried to incorporate both Sri Lankan (bride) and Jewish (groom) customs.  At one end of the room, there was a dais known as a "poruwa" in Sri Lanka, where traditional Sri Lankan marriage ceremonies take place.  In Sri Lanka, the poruwa ceremony is traditionally performed at Buddhist weddings, with Christians/Catholics preferring to have a traditional Church wedding.  However, over here, more and more ex-pats are considering the poruwa ceremony to be more of a cultural thing, with adaptations being made, as necessary.  In a Sri Lankan Buddhist wedding, for example, part of the poruwa ceremony would include the singing of what are known as "jaya mangala gatha" which invoke the special qualities of the Buddha to bring blessings on the newly married couple.  But, since the bride is Catholic, they omitted that step of the poruwa ceremony.  However, the music they played when the bride was led to the poruwa, preceded by dancers, was a Buddhist hymn, known as "Dhanno Budunge", which I found to be amusing.  Daughter and I looked at each other, as it was a song she learned at Sunday school at the temple and used to sing at various temple celebrations! 

My daughter took videos of the traditional drummers and dancers that led the bride and groom to the poruwa; she will upload them to the blog for me, she said, when she has a chance to do so. 

The poruwa ceremony was conducted by the bride's maternal uncle.  The groom's parents stood by his side of the structure and her bride's parents stood by her side of the structure.  As part of the ceremony, the groom was handed seven betel leaves, one by one, and he handed them to the bride, who then, placed  them on the ground - betel leaves represent blessings, and later, the bride and groom will offer more betel leaves to their parents and bow low to them to be blessed by their parents.  The groom was also  handed a gold necklace to be placed around the bride's neck (a symbolic gesture of providing for her; in a traditional marriage, the bride's family would have provided the bride with a dowry).   Then, the bride's maternal uncle, who was officiating this part of the ceremony, tied the fingers of the bride and groom with a gold thread to symbolize unity and poured water over the tied hands, using a brass water pot known as a "kendiya". 

These two brass kendi are what I have at home and, as my daughter was quick to point out, are similar to the one that was used in the ceremony:

Kendi

Later, the groom handed a white cloth to the bride's mother in gratitude for raising her.  Traditionally, it is a bolt of white cloth (which, according to my mother, at least, was originally supposed to have been used on the marriage bed as proof of the bride's virginity, but I only have my mother's word for it!)  At this particular wedding, however, the white cloth the groom handed his new mother-in-law was the tallit, or Jewish prayer shawl, that had been given to him at his Bar Mitzvah.  I loved how they found ways to personalize the customs. 

A plate of milk rice (or "kiri bath") had been prepared, before hand, and this plate was offered to bride by her mother and the new couple fed each other a piece.  Then, the groom's brother broke a coconut, in front of the poruwa, as a symbol of prosperity and plenty.  At the conclusion of the poruwa ceremony, the couple lit the brass oil lamp.

Then, they walked down the length of the room to the other end, where a Chuppah had been set up.  Midway, between the two structures (poruwa and Chuppah), a unity candle had been set up.  The groom's mother and the bride's mother each lit a candle and the bridal couple took those candles to light their unity candle.  Then, they proceeded to the Chuppah, where a rabbi conducted the Jewish wedding ceremony, which, at Saturday's ceremony, consisted of the Ketubah, which is a marriage contract, written in Hebrew, the Kiddushin or blessings of the betrothal  where blessings were said over the cup of wine that was shared and a second blessing over the marriage.  This was followed by the Nisuin, which consisted of the Sheva Brachet or Seven Blessings.  The couple's friends wrote blessings centered around the theme of each traditional blessing and read them during this part of the ceremony.  A second glass of wine was shared at this time and the couple exchanged wedding rings.  At the conclusion of the Jewish wedding ceremony, the groom broke a glass by stepping on it and all present cheered, "Mazel Tov!"  After that, the couple withdrew to a private room for Yichud or seclusion, to spend their first moments together as a couple.

Obviously, I am not as familiar with Jewish wedding ceremonies as I am with Sri Lankan wedding ceremonies, but the guests were provided with programs that explained the steps of each ceremony, which was very helpful. 

The rest of us, walked downstairs to the lobby area of the hotel where the wedding took place, for refreshments, which consisted of Sri Lankan "short eats" such as vegetable sandwiches (fillings of carrots and beets between three slices of bread and cut into small triangles), fish "cutlets" (fish and mashed potatoes made into small balls, dipped in beaten egg, breaded, and deep fried); chicken patties (were made of pastry dough rounds, filled with a spicy mixture of ground chicken, folded over and baked), and "Chinese Rolls" (small pancakes, with a ground beef filling, breaded and deep fried).  The bar was also set up in this lobby area (daughter and I had sodas, since we don't drink alcohol).   The refreshments were very welcome (it was around 6:00 p.m., by then), but it meant standing, once more, for another hour before the banquet hall was opened! 

I love how these weddings are planned and organized, etc., but, I don't like all this standing around in between proceedings!  Yes, I know it is supposed to give us time to mingle and "meet and greet", etc., but, my goodness, our feet were hurting!  In fact, my cousin's daughter's heels were hurting her so much, that she left the reception to go home to change her shoes!  She was gone for a little over an hour and a half.  By the time she came back, we were already seated in the banquet room, but still waiting for our table number to be called to go up to the buffet.

There was a live band at the reception and dancing.  My favorite dance was when they danced the Horah.  It seemed like such a joyous dance, to me. 

We didn't stay too long at the reception.  Unlike at my cousin's son's wedding, when we waited until the end and helped to clean up!  We left shortly after dinner, just as they were serving the wedding cake (the one that was cut by the bride and groom, not the love cake that we helped to wrap and box!  Those boxes were placed at the tables, at each guest's place setting.  I brought my box home with me.  Stamped on one side of the box, is a posy of flowers, with the couple's names underneath, and a saying, "A sweet ending to a new beginning" in a circle around it. 

The boxed wedding cake

Inside the box, there was a piece of love cake and a bag of candy coated almonds.

We got home around 11:15 p.m.  I had worn comfortable shoes, but my feet were swollen, from all that standing around, I suppose.  I sat with them elevated on some cushions and daughter and I talked for a bit and then, she packed her suitcase.  She was sad about having to leave, again.  We stayed up till after 2:00 a.m., just talking and cuddling. 

Saturday's To Do List:
- Go to the auto club and DMV in the morning, to see about daughter's driver's license renewal, my car registration renewal, and to hand in the mileage verification prior to my auto insurance renewal - POSTPONED
- Cook the salmon steaks - POSTPONED
- Write out the wedding card - DONE
- Iron the sari blouses - DONE
- Do daughter's hair for her - DONE
- Get dressed and go to my friend's daughter's wedding (we will ride with cousin P and her daughter) - DONE

On Saturday, I was grateful for:
- Being able to attend my friend's older daughter's wedding (I was unable to attend her younger daughter's wedding as I was having my chemo treatments at the time and my doctors didn't want me to go to any large gathering, because of my compromised immune system).
- My cousin and her daughter giving my daughter and me a ride to the event and back, again.
- Cousin's daughter was able to go home and change her shoes for a more comfortable pair!
- My daughter isn't fussy and was pleased with what I was able to do with her hair, even if I wasn't quite satisfied with my efforts.
- Meeting some old friends I haven't seen in awhile at the wedding.

How was your Saturday?  Have you attended any weddings where cultures and religions are mixed and new traditions are created?